


All the Things That Happen in Literature Class (You Bet My Top Dollar That It Isn't What You Think)

by Bulimia_in_the_house



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: (do you think she failed?), Google Translate is featured, Mafia AU, Offscreen Violence, So is Debbie, Story used mafia elements LOOSELY, but she be tryin to be the sane one, everybody is confused, misrepresented form of panic attacks, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24921535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulimia_in_the_house/pseuds/Bulimia_in_the_house
Summary: Debbie is in literature class, and more than half of the class are asleep.'This professor takes boredom to a whole new level'she thinks.
Kudos: 11





	All the Things That Happen in Literature Class (You Bet My Top Dollar That It Isn't What You Think)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the Spanish present in the story is from google translate. So if you got triggered by all the wrong grammar that comes with google translating, just a heads up. And I don't own the characters, just the story.

  
Lunch was over, and already the students are sleeping on their desks. Debbie understands that Literature is not the best, or most interesting subject, but would it kill anyone to keep their heads from hitting the desk.  
  
THUNK!  
  
Another one just fell asleep. She shouldn’t have jinxed it.  
  
Their professor is rambling on and on right now, and if Debbie were a weaker man (and if she hasn’t chugged a gallon of sugary soda), she would have joined the other nitwits in dreamland.  
  
But she isn’t Debbie Kang for no reason.  
  
Barely a quarter of the class is half awake now, and the class just started 10 minutes ago. She has to hand it to her professor, he takes boredom to a whole new level.  
  
She’s in jotting down notes when the professor stuttered and started shaking. Debbie’s eyebrows crinkled in worry, she looked at the other students in the room and they all had the same idea. Just when Debbie is about to take charge and move forward, the professor shoved his hands forward and gasped out “nO!” in that raspy voice of his. He shot his assistant (intern) at the back of a room a look, and the intern, momentarily gaining back his focus, shot forward held the man upright.  
  
“Randy. Get Him nOw.!!.” The professor choked out.  
  
“But sir, I don’t think he’ll appreciate getting pulled out of his own class..” the young man started.  
  
“I said gEt hIM Now!!” He bellowed.  
  
The intern stumbled, barely catching himself as he yanked the door open and ran outside. Debbie wondered who this Randy guy is (she only knows one after all, maybe she missed a student with the same name). The professor is on his knees now, his panicked eyes never staying in one place, looking at everywhere and everything all at once. He grabbed the clumps of hair he has left and yanked! Looking borderline crazy, Debbie moved to step forward cautiously, impatient at how long its taking the assistant to fetch this Randy guy, and sick of just standing there unable to do anything while the man is clearly having a panic attack of some sort.  
  
The intern rushed in, followed closely by a tall, purple-haired man. They both spoke in hushed voices, and when Debbie listened closely, none of them are in English, but rather, in Spanish.  
  
Now her Spanish is impeccable by all means, but it is nowhere near as fluent as these two young men. Now that she thought about it, this purple-haired Randy is-  
  
“Cunningham?” she said, shocked.  
  
Randy looked at her for a second, raised his arms to wave. “Hey Debs~” and went back to his conversation with the assistant, with the addition of the professor joining in.  
  
Debbie looked around the room once more, never feeling confused more than ever in her entire life. She saw that her classmates share the same sentiment, confused, but now talking to their respective seatmates, taking the opportunity of the class being paused momentarily.  
  
Debbie looked back at the trio in front, using her knowledge of Spanish to discern as much as she can (these boys are speaking too fast, they are definitely fluent in Spanish).  
  
"-Oh dios me estoy muriendo. Nunca pensé que diría esto pero me estoy muriendo. Ni siquiera he terminado mi manuscrito para un libro en el que estoy escribiendo, y toda mi familia y mis antepasados estarán tan decepcionado por el fracaso que soy. Voy a morir Randy, y conoceré a mi abuela en el infierno. Lo sabría, ella nunca irá al cielo, mató a dos policías en Chipotle una vez, me va a golpear. en el infierno y tortúrame. Ella es mi torturador Randy, ¿puedes creerlo? Ni siquiera estoy usando mis mejores pantalones, estos son pantalones de mal gusto Randy, la abuela me dijo que también se vea mejor cuando la conozca y ahora me va a pegar por eso ¡También soy un fracaso hortera Randy, un fracaso hortera-!  
  
(“-oh god I’m dying. I never thought I would say this but I’m dying. I haven’t even finished my manuscript for a book I’m writing on, and my entire family and my ancestors will be so disappointed at what a failure I am. I’m gonna die Randy, and I’ll meet my grandma in hell. I would know, she will never go to heaven, she killed two cops over at Chipotle once, she’s gonna beat me up in hell and torture me. She’s my torturer Randy can you believe it? I’m not even wearing my best pants, these are tacky pants Randy, grandma told me too look my best when meeting her and now she’s gonna beat me up over that too. I am a tacky failure Randy, a tacky failure-!)  
  
  
  
  
(Debbie has no idea what they’re talking about at this point so she gave up in trying.)  
  
“ Tito, are you on drugs?” Randy said quizzically.  
  
“That’s what you got from that?!” the professor yelled and proceeded to rant again in Spanish.  
  
Randy leaned onto the intern and whispered. “¿Podrías hacerte cargo? Voy a traer a tito afuera” (“Could you take over? I’m bringing tito outside.”)  
  
The intern nodded and Randy went over to their professor and calmed him down. “Vas a terminar ese manuscrito y tus pantalones son increíbles. ¿Te gustaría hablar de esto afuera?” (“You are going to finish that manuscript and your pants are amazing. Would you like to talk about this outside?”)  
  
“¡sí, por favor!” (“Yes please!”) the professor said breathlessly, using his arm to support the large man.  
  
Debbie watched them hobble outside when she finds herself commenting. “Never took you for an Español, Cunningham.”  
  
“I’m not.” Randy smiled sheepishly before closing the door to the room.  
  
By now, everyone is awake, having witnessed their former professor being dragged outside by one of the students. Someone cleared their throat and their attention was caught by the intern in front.  
  
“Hello Class, I’m Jim. I will be your substitute for the day.”  
  
THUMP!  
  
The door rattled loudly, the noise startling everyone in the room. Jim stood still, unfazed.  
  
“What was that?” Debbie finds herself asking and moving towards the door.  
  
“The door probably. Now eyes on front! And you, go back to your seat! We move on to ballads, now the classics are easily…”  
  
Debbie can’t find it in herself to concentrate after that. 30 minutes later, half of the class went back to sleep, seemingly forgetting the weird event that just occurred.  
  
But Debbie never could, her attention utterly divided now THAT happened. Dammit Cunningham, why do you keep messing up and disrupting classes?!  
  
_(A week ago, an explosion rang throughout the hallway, everyone went outside, causing a commotion during classes. There, in the middle of the hallway, is Randy clutching the husk of what used to be a a homemade rocket, beside him is Howard, both covered in soot, hair astray, sparks on Randy's purple hair. Debbie massaged her temples at seeing the two, feeling a headache coming. Both boys got detention for disrupting classes, and they both have to clean the entire hallway) _  
  
  
Bonus scene:  
  
A figure dragged the bin to dispose the trash outside. A janitor passed by, recognizing the boy and greeted enthusiastically.  
  
“Hey Randy, my boy! What’cha draggin’ over there? You and Howard gettin’ in trouble again?” he smiled widely.  
  
“Hi Mr. Janitor. Just me unfortunately.” Randy answered sheepishly, scratching his neck.  
  
“Well, you gotta get out of trouble one of these days, or you would end up like me.”  
  
“You’re fun, Mr. Janitor. I wouldn’t mind”  
  
The janitor smiled and was about to counter that with a _certain _incident frim last week when the intercom buzzed to life, Principal Slimovitz calling him for a bathroom emergency. The janitor looked at him pointedly.  
  
"Thats not me." Randy said, raising his arms innocently.  
  
“Kids these days, never maintaining the damn bathroom pipes.” He muttered to himself. “ Catch you later, young man” he waved, now running at the opposite direction of Randy’s.  
  
Randy smiled and waved until the janitor is out of sight. The bin gave slight tap and was upturned. Randy quickly turned it right back up and placed his weight on it, glaring at the bin silently. A few minutes later when the bin stopped moving, he hummed, satisfied, as he went back to dragging the bin again.  
____

**Author's Note:**

> I feel sorry for Debbie... I think.


End file.
